I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
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