You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
