She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
