Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
