What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
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