and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
