i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
