we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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