Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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