This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
