What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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