I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
