i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
