look no pants
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
