What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
