Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
