He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I think your dad took our porno
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
