I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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