2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
