She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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