whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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