it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
this will be a night to untag.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
