I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize