TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
tequila makes me forget i have legs
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
