that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
