he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
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