It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
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