if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
