piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I just googled if crying burns calories
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
