i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
