my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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