Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
