When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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