She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
