So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
