Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
