thus making me awesome and them whores
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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