Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
