Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
