So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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