Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
