And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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