that's an acceptable place to lick
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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