i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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