I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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