After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
