I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize