BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize