My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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