oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
