and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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