My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
