I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Randomize