So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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