I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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