Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
