Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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