shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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