This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
