Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
