is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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