Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
