you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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