cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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