we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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