Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Let's paint friendship bongs
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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