I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
