I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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