I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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