There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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