Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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