And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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