I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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