Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize