i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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