My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
